A graduate student once told me that one week, her hairbrush broke on Monday and she didn’t have time to buy a new hairbrush until Thursday. I’m beginning to empathize.
This new editing job is keeping me super busy. Conducting staff interviews, planning the production schedule, figuring out priorities, and trying to be objective and professional about everything is mentally exhausting. I keep reminding myself of how badly I wanted this job when I applied back in April, but some days all I want to do is go home and curl up in bed and forget about the world. Actually, that’s exactly what I did yesterday; after dinner, I crashed on the couch and never really got up. It was nice taking the night off, but now it’s back to work and I find myself longing for a break.
I seem to have joined the ranks of those people who seem to be always busy, the “workaholics” who never sleep past 7:00am and never go to bed before midnight; those who revert to the ponytail on most days for lack of time or energy to spend on their hairstyle; those who are always battling the endless to-do list. I think back on my freshman year, when my biggest academic stress was doing notes for my honors classes, and laugh.
In the midst of all of this, I try to remember that I am blessed: to be in school, to have a job that I actually care about, and to have people in my life who support me and believe in me, even when I don’t believe in myself. For some reason, this week has been strangely difficult, even though we had a long weekend (or perhaps because of that), and it’s not yet over. There are decisions to make and schedules to plan and assignments to complete. There is always work to be done. The pessimist in me wants to run and hide for fear of failure, but I can’t allow that. Even though I don’t always believe in myself, I believe in God (or at least I try to) and his ability to carry me and give me what I need, because he knows better than anyone.