Today (brief thoughts on school and pessimism)

Today is my birthday. It’s also the first day of school. Kind of lame, but I should be used to it by now; at least you never get much homework on the first day of school. I often complain that my birthday falls on or near the start of school, but today, I don’t want to complain. I want to be positive (as cliche as that sounds).

I’ve been doing some self-reflection lately, and I’ve realized that I am a pessimist. Last Thursday, as I was thinking about the start of school, I started to get depressed and anxious, and I know why. It’s not just the normal end-of-summer-blues; I’m a pessimist. Instead of seeing things, particularly new things, as opportunities for learning and growth and success, I automatically see them as opportunities for failure and disappointment. I’m starting a new semester, with new classes, a new job, and new work on my thesis, and instead of being excited by these great opportunities which I’m blessed to participate in, I’m filled with fear and thoughts of only the worst case scenario.

I’m not sure why I’m this way. Perhaps some combination of genetics, personality traits and hormones? It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that I’m tired of being fearful and doubtful. I’m tired of spending my entire summer dreading the first day back; I’m tired of being a pessimist. It would have been nice to realize these things earlier on, but at least my eyes are opening now.

Today is just another day, and it’s going to be alright. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

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